The Expendables 3

Genre: Action/Adventure
Directed: Patrick Huges
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Dolph Lundgren and Mel Gibson
Running: 126 Mins

Sly Stallone some how manages to squeeze a third movie out of an idea that became very boring, very quick. As someone who has supported this idea from the beginning, despite Stallone's mediocrity as far as his modern career has gone, it is fair to say that the Expendables 3 is a step too far, or a step in the wrong direction if you like. Sly, who now looks like a spread of mushy pinto beans, recruits the "old gang" for another expendable crusade only to decide he no longer needs his partners, substituting the originals for a group of amateur hoodlums - and Antonio Banderas. 

This ambitious trilogy starts off at great pace and typical expendable fashion as Barney (Stallone), Christmas (Statham), Gunner (Lundgren), Caesar (Crews) and Toll (Couture) pursue a train carrying a former expendable in Doc played by Wesley Snipes. Bodies drop and explosions appear from every angle before we meet a breath of fresh air in Doc; a delusional, skillful and typically cocky character. Snipes does well in reminding us what we have been missing since his stint behind bars (oh the irony). It's not long after Doc meets the crew that he finds himself gearing up to take down this years bad guy. Just as we thought Sly and co had wiped out the best in Van Damme and Stone Cold, Mel Gibson's Stonebanks shows up to spoil the party. Conrad Stonebanks is a former expendable (a story surprisingly left this late in the series) turned criminal arms dealer. This plot could have ended 30 minutes in and we would have judged the outcome but thankfully, Barney's expression tells it all. He knows the consequence of Conrad's existence and what it could mean for the world as we know it. Introducing Drummer, or, the new Bruce Willis played by Harrison Ford. Drummer demands Conrad be brought in, alive! Barney is kind enough to consider the safety of his crew, therefore opting to recruit a bunch of young bloods to help bring in the maniac that is Stonebanks.

And so the oldies go back to normality and Ronda Rousy, Victor Ortiz, Antonio Banderas and some other dude gear up for a war that Barney himself sees no sense in. But Sly is the front man in this movie so he needs to lead, at least until his old mercenaries are called back into the frame to save the day.

The Expendables 3 is awful on every level. First off, the original concept is out the window therefore contradicting the original idea which was to showcase a level of entertainment featuring 80's originals. While the first movie received mixed reviews, I loved it for what it was; it had humor, character, excitement and an interesting bad guy. To top it off, it was bloody as hell. The sequel clung on to similar roots, giving us more Arnie and Willis. On the other hand Jean Claude Van Damme showcased an over the top terrorist recognized in retro action flicks before him. The expendables 3 lacks the actors necessary to fulfill its original, opting for the idea of modernized technology and youthful ideas in Sly's new cast of nobodies. It's predecessors, however the ridiculousness, made you anticipate who will appear on screen next. This return showboats the same ridiculousness without the surprise, or bite if you like to fulfill ones need for entertaining action or fight scenes. The fun, comic book like anarchy is downgraded thanks to the PG12 rating, a real surprise and slap in the face regarding the gory outlandish images the first two gives us. The lack of blood is a real let down in a film such as this because, as mentioned, its contradicting the original idea which was an attempt to mimic the graphic imagery of 80's action movies. Everything from the soundtrack to the dialog, this one falls flat on its face and the result is shown on Sly's face too. The former boxer slash soldier looks worse for wear when stood next to Snipes and Banderas both of whom tried to inject some life into this movie.

Maybe this needed a Jackie Chan, Nicholas Cage, Kurt Russel or Dwayne Johnson, either way I'm not buying the whole "leave your brain at the door" nonsense because I understand that. But when it comes down to what was and what is, one cannot help but question the transformation of audience director Patrick Hughes has opted for. The change of tone is a big problem in a movie such as this. While my brain switched off in preparation for some mindless fun, I found no nostalgia this time around, rather a two hour headache filled with boring characters with little or no relevance to the original idea. Sylvester Stallone too looked bored out of his mind from start to finish; at least he found some way of connecting with the audience.

Escape Plan

Genre: Action/Thriller

Directed: Mikael Hafstrom 

Starring: Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Running: 116 mins

This review is not based on how old our protagonist is and how atrocious the movie is and why it is 30 years too late. In fact Escape Plan is surprisingly entertaining, however, if you will allow me to refer back to one of two leading stars; big Sly Stallone who may as well be having a dump for 100 mins because staring at his feces would prove more exciting than the dull performance he unfortunately leads.

All roads lead to this. Escape Plan is the result of The Expendables (and sequel). 

Ray Breslin is the messiah of structural security. This beefcake has seen many prisons, both inside and out because he has the most peculiar job of all in testing the security of various prisons in order to make them escape proof. Worried (for some reason) that prisoners are not been kept behind the tightest security, Ray's criteria is that of a hitman or a plumber, except each prison escape is worth a big pay cheque. The result of such escape is to grant national security some feedback on how to pump up their boundaries. They say Ray is the best in the world with fifteen prisons failing to keep him behind bars. However one prison is bound to go against him, right? Home to major criminals and Rottmayer (Arnie) The Tomb is one prison that is off the grid. So off the grid and so very dangerous that Ray can't resist the offer. 

Ray awakens in a technological and maze like environment. The prison sets the plot of escape, featuring a "partner", a "bad guy" and a "twist". Ring a bell?

The movie's villain is Hobbs (Jim Caviezel). Hobbs controls the entire prison and is hell-bent on maintaining Ray Breslin. Ray begins to realise he may have been set up on a road of no return, therefore seeking the help of Rottmayer, leading to the match up we have all been waiting for. 

Escape Plan is yet another attempted 80's throwback when Sly and Arnie dominated bloody masculinity. Escape Plan is not exactly that but it does resemble a certain Tango and Cash for obvious reasons. The on-screen chemistry from both Sly and Arnie is terrible and non-existent but the action scenes are satisfying. One can't complain when it comes to both stars standing side by side hosting a handgun each. Arnie to be fare is clearly desperate to revive his action hero status and does so in this return to form. Arnie's character Rottmayer is the legs and arms of this movie. His presence still holds up and respectively keeps this film from falling flat on its face; he is funny, violent and, well, Arnie. The same can't be said for Sly who advertises a dull character in Ray Breslin. We are not looking for anything spectacular from the man, and while I was generous in my review for Bullet to the Head, Sly is down right poor this time around with a boring character proving hard to like from the very beginning. Unfortunately for Sly we seek Arnie's appearance as soon as the title of the movie appears. 

Overall: Escape Plan is an entertaining meat-head-fest that offers a decent plot with a decent match up. However Sly's presence proved significantly poor, leaving all the work to Arnie. A better movie than The Last Stand, and not quite as nonsensical as The Expendables, one will enjoy it for what it is -a plan of escape with two ageing hero's. 

John Rambo: An Origin of Violence

Action movies supporting the most iconic actors in the late 80s early 90s shared a particular, yet similar concept to one another; a straight forward survival premise, or a rescue mission that would inevitably lead to chaos at the highest order.

Sylvester Stallone was involved in the rise and rise of dead body counts in an era that supported many trilogies to broaden a statement of unlimited violence. There is an argument that I have ear-wigged and sometimes created that would go something along the lines of "Action movies just ain't as fun to watch now as they were in the 80s". The difference in movies now is that we see a lot more focused on a logical plot, and not so much the will to entertain the mindless. Although modern day blockbusters are evidence to show it could be the opposite way around - thanks to CGI.

Let's take a look back at a movie trilogy that signifies the actor for what he was and inevitably, what he can never walk away from. No not Rocky(an argument for another day), Rambo; which felt the need to extend and prolong the use of violence in its movies by doubling (and at times) trebling the body count.

Sly Stallone was at his best in 1982 with First Blood (before Rambo, before a name that represented violence at the highest). A simple yet effective story of survival in the woods caused by the ignorance of the towns sheriff.  John Rambo - a soldier tormented by war is up against it, making use of his tactics in the back yard of a town on full alert. Those who have seen the movie may remember that through-out the manhunt for John, one man was killed in the movie. one. Now, the movie promoted violence, just like many that followed it and although it was physical, it was necessary. Rambo turns himself in for the sake of the idiots who consistently continued to come after him. Did he do the right thing? no, but he slightly makes up for the men he could have killed in the sequel that followed.

3 years later, George P. Cosmatos directed a sequel. Rambo: First Blood 2 (1985). Freed from prison, Rambo is sent on a mission by his colonel to help rescue a bunch of POWs. Forced to team up with a female lead this time around, Rambo infiltrates a Vietnamese war camp only to find himself set-up by the authority who sent him there. The poster showcases Rambo with a rocket launcher the size of himself; automatically telling you what you are in for with the sequel - chaos. The body count goes as far as 67. Rambo is responsible for 51 of those. The sequel really expresses the killing mentality within Rambo, with his guerrilla warfare background coming back to haunt him. Sequences on the river result in 10 killings, while scenes on the camp is a laxi-daisy of 4 with the rescue mission itself adding a total of 29.

My year of birth (1988) saw the release of Rambo 3; directed by Peter McDonald. Rambo is en-rout to Afghanistan to rescue colonel Trautman who is being held captive by soviet forces. Apart from Stallone's body count rising to 72 third time around, the overall film survives on a body count of 127, with Colonel Trautman getting in on the fun with 5 kills. This one was quite weak but it's what the fans wanted. The drama we got in the original was long dead. Rambo had reached a new stage of chaos. By the time the sequel had wrapped up I think people knew where Sly and co were taking this character.

Yep, a modern day Rambo still lurks. Instead of hanging up his knife and bandanna, his age is ignored in the fourth movie.

Sly reinvented Rambo in 2008 with a fourth in the franchise. Lone hero Rambo is still surviving in his own company 20 years later; rough and ragged, with muscles just "screaming" to be pumped, as well as his murderous addiction (Don't worry Rambo, you will have your fun). Excluding Richard Crenna this time following his death in 2003, Rambo dedicates this bloody return to his former colonel and acting colleague. Located in Burma, Rambo is approached by a group of aid workers looking to be led through the jungle and into a Burmese camp. Rambo advises the "eager to die" group that;"Burma's a war zone". Like any bunch of uneducated imbeciles, they don't believe him. Although if Rambo told me he dived off a cliff and stitched himself up afterwards, would you believe him?

So they say "screw him" and go anyway, winding up hostage and slaved in a Burmese camp.

Rambo is informed by a church pastor about the capture of the group. Rambo could have said "I told them so"...but he does, and goes anyway.

Rambo travels the rivers of Burma with a group of mercenaries where death awaits and survival lurks. Rambo goes on to murder 87 people with the entire movie promoting a fatality of 247 bodies!!! (excluding fish, horses and dogs). They matter too you know? Movie insiders reckon Rambo potentially killed hundreds more when he blew up half the jungle on his way down! That's my boy!

While Sly has moved on to bigger and not so better things, he seems to always stay true to violence. Recent movies such as The Expendables and Bullet to the Head have continued to portray some epically violent sequences that are quite the entertainment if you leave your brain at home. Although Sly's gathering of iconic action stars with The Expendables (and sequel) are not enough to convince me that movies are still the same. Sure, you can throw in Arnold Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Dolph Lundren (or some might know him as Drago), there is a level of comedic effort that has failed to work in modern day blockbusters. Plus, a 60 year old Arnie who got bored of governing California is just not the same (although he did have a kid with his maid so the Expendables might have taken his mind off things).

I do not want to see the end of iconic stars such as Sly and Arnie, and it thrills me to reflect on the Rambo franchise. But one can not ignore the illogical sense behind blockbusters today. They were not as creative in the 80s as they were today. Sure, they lacked CGI, which is not a bad thing either. They were gritty back then, almost believable and a hell of a lot more serious compared to the crap being released today. Don't believe me? Go and see Bruce Willis in A Good Day to Die Hard - a desperate attempt at reviving what was.

Actually don't bother. Do yourself a favour and watch First Blood again.

Bullet To The Head

Following the mediocre return of Arnold in my Last Stand review, Sylvester Stallone has never really dispersed. Bullet to the Head is a fine throwback to 80s action movies.

James Bonomo (Sylvester Stallone) is an experienced hit-man. He is given the opportunity to avenge his partners death through Taylor Kwon (Sung Kang); Washington D.C cop looking to nail the same enemy. That enemy is Keegan (Jason Momoa) a ruthless handy man for Robert Morel (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje). 

Morel is head of a crime family who is known to have cops and judges under his payroll. However, it is the gruesome death of James's partner that leads to a portrayal of violence, as James and Taylor begin to wipe the gang off the map, one by one in typical Stallone fashion. 

Walter Hill's latest is pretty straightforward, re-creating a genre of movie that fantastically resembles the 80s retro theme. With very little to the plot but revenge, Stallone leads the way in fantastic shape, promoting a high level of violence, with fight scenes such as the massage parlour going down in epic fashion. Each scene is played out with typical buddy-cop interactions, with a routine chemistry similar to Walter's 48hrs (but fails to blend on occasions).

It was great to see Stallone on screen following Arnold's recurrence, taking me back to the bones of his career. The Last Stand failed to that for me. Sure, we could say that Stallone has a bigger modern day catalogue, but his presence on screen, along with his physical shape is overwhelming. We know Stallone fancies the violence, e.g Rambo (2008) and The Expendables, but the latest serves him well because he ain't directing anybody behind the scenes. Walter Hill, who comes with a serious amount of experience has taken Sly on board and made a good-guy bad-guy throw back to an era we know all too well. The retro theme tunes, fight scenes, iconic heartless bad guy and yes, one or two humorous quotes. And Taylor Kwon - who wasn't too bad either. 

Bullet to the Head is surprisingly enjoyable. It is weird because Stallone looks awful in some, yet terrific in others. Walter Hill mashed up all the pros of 80s action, some cons (bad actors) and ran with it. 

Overall: From modern day crap to 80s nostalgia, Walter Hill revives a genre of action that consistently proves forgetting your brain ain't such a bad thing. Bullet to the Head is a joy to watch, with Stallone starring in his best film since Cop Land.

7/10

Related material: Read up on more Sly Stallone with The Expendables 2 review.

The Last Stand

As far as comebacks go, Arnie's route is typical; although its concept of western parody is satisfactory in terms of popcorn entertainment.

Arnie returns to the big screen following what has been quite a successful stint in the chair of Californian Governor. Arnold bowed out of cinema after the Terminator franchise was destroyed in 2003; it was great timing to what was, in my opinion, a parody in comparison to James Cameron's vision.

Post Governor antics and events unspoken, Arnold Schwarzenegger returns as Ray Owens; a veteran sheriff of Sommerton Junction who prior has served his trade as an LAPD officer in Vegas. Considered a place for retirement, Ray is unaware of the trouble heading toward Sommerton.

Modern day bad-guy Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) flees the courts of Vegas and heads toward the Mexican border. Taking a high speed chase (quite annoyingly through-out the entire movie), Gabriel is hell bent on crossing the border, however the only thing standing in his way is a big Austrian sheriff and his rookie accomplices.

Bewildered to the chaos reaching the quiet town, Ray is alerted of the danger through Agent John (Forest Whitaker) of the LAPD.

We discover a re-invented Arnie in typical fashion following a shoot-out in the outbacks of the town. Sheriff Owens discovers a connection between the oncoming fugitive, and Burrell (Peter Stormare); a stranger in the sheriff's territory.

The Last Stand is action packed - in small sequences. Arnie's presence is not what it was however you can't help but relish the fact that such an icon is still blowing heads off with a shotgun (similar to T2 weaponry). As expected, there is a mindless but simple plot. However for a relatively short movie it supplies timeless sequences as it reflects back and forward to the events in Vegas as we are treated with the same "bad guy in a ridiculously fast car" scene. At one stage it felt like he was never going to reach the town of Sommerton. Because you know the before and after events, you can't help but think the movie could have rushed the middle and slowed the end. After all, we are only there for one thing, Arnie!

There is around 80 minutes of comedic effort and western middle of the road cliche's that are told through a cast of amateurs. Depending on your taste, and taking into account what Arnie offers, actors such as Luis Guzmán and Johnny Knoxville become annoying. Sure, they are there to brighten up the movie, while Luis and Johnny were a tad funny, 15 minutes of Knoxville was way too long. The Last Stand is so centred on Arnie's performance that even Forest Whitaker appeared irrelevant, ultimately resulting in quite a crap acting performance.

Nit-picking at acting performances might be too harsh taking into account the simple mind-frame behind such a vivid R-rate movie. After all, Arnie doesn't have a past of Oscar material but he has certainly done better - am I living in the past? Although he does tend to revive the once pump-action madness of the early 90s. The content is similar to Stallone's Expendables however to say the Last Stand is as far-fetched would be wrong. 

There is a level of positivity surrounding Arnie's comeback, with the Last Stand offering a trip back in time. Instead of originality, Jee-woon Kim creates a very similar, yet likable role to match the cliche's of Arnie's career.

Fans of Arnold will be chuffed just to see him feature in his first starring role since 2003. Anyone heading into this flick with a logical view obviously doesn't know the history of Arnie and should some what "Wake up" in life.

Overall: The Last Stand is a typical return for Arnie. Not entirely action packed, the nostalgic good guy - bad guy concept is desperately inserted with a villain who is ever-so irritating. A dumb plot with bad actors can often be ignored by the cheesy one-liners of Sheriff Owens. Great to have him back but maybe a more intense role in the future.

6/10

See it if you like: The Expendables and Walking Tall.

The Expendables 2 Review

In 2010 Sylvester Stallone reunited the child within me, and I am not talking Disney fantasies. The Expendables was quite significant in terms of all those big names in one explosive whirlwind leading to a nostalgic spotlight in relation to the 80's action genre. What was a mindless concept from Sly, it was obvious he carried the gruesome portrayal of Rambo (2008) and brought it to the streets which consisted of explosive scenes and disturbed characters.

Expectations were high for the sequel. Was there a chance that Arnold Schwarzenegger would play a bigger part this time around? Chuck Norris and Van Damme were also popping up in trailers. It looked exciting on paper so let's find out.

So after an introduction of pure carnage and to be frank, quite ridiculous stunts, Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) is cornered by Church (Bruce Willis) as he once again seeks to assemble Barney and the gang for a routine mission that goes excitingly wrong. 

According to Church, Barney cost him 10 million from the previous mission so this would be the last of any dealings between Barney's mercenaries and Church. A sense of portrayal is exposed when Christmas (Jason Statham), Gunner (Dolph Lundgren) Hale (Terry Crews) and Co are found to be set up, resulting in immediate pay back and a path of destruction from the guys. The "Villain", who is titled eh, Villain, is the legendary (Jean-Claude Van Damme). Jean plays the role of a heartless Russian who is mindset on a cave full of heavy artillery leading to what he believes will create world war 2012. Yes, looking to start another world war...not on Sly's watch!

So it is from there we witness once again as Sly's expendables attempt to raise their credibility as well as save the day as they bump into Friends of old and older. (you know who).

The anticipation of the cameos we wait so eager for comes a lot sooner than expected. The action scenes and overall acting was genuinely poor. I prayed for a Schwarzenegger appearance to help make this better than it's predecessor. Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is an old friendly rival of Barney and coincidentally bump into each other through-out the film as this sequel shows it's stupidity as Trench and Booker (Chuck Norris) appear in the most random of places failing to explain any logic on how and why they are there?. Booker is the lone wolf who can't help but throw in his own Chuck Norris jokes every so often.

I enjoyed this film for what it is. And what is it? well it is an all out war of the best with a plot that was thought up in the space of 30 minutes or less. To see Arnold and Van Damme back on screen was amusing and exciting. With all these egos, and with their history, neither are ever short of a quote or two...or three!

The testosterone in this film is laughable and I couldn't help but think Sly is bigger than ever as one of his veins looks the equivalent to my left leg.

One cannot help to be entertained by the stupidity of this film as we witness the over-reaction of  splattered heads, cringe one liners and mundane comedy. Unfortunately, I personally enjoyed the previous more as their was a better character in the enemy and supplied that touch of drama with Micky Rourke's involvement. Jet Li's Yang who also went missing through the sequel...unexplained really. I suppose that defines a Stallone movie in 2012.

So with a Mickey mouse storyline and a wider cast, the Expendables 2 failed to live up to the entertaining scenes in the original. I was not hoping to be blown away by actors performances but as a fan of the majorities cast, I felt, once again, manipulated in terms of the apparent involvement of Arnold and the rest that was used to sell the film.

Overall: Enjoyable if you forget your brain like I did with it's promotion supplying a better hype than the overall movie.